can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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