I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
