Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There's always time for handjobs
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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