Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
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Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
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I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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