No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I got inside last night via doggy door
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
