you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
