dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
