I have demons in me.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
