This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
