$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
