His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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