wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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