dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Randomize
