Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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