We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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