Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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