My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
3 2 1 whiskey
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
