I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Houston, we have a blender
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
