Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
