i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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