My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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