I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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