I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
