Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
