im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
