Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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