did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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