I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
