I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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