I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
