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Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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