Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
