Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
