Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
