i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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