1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
