Im at strip club and am horny
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.