pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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