can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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