i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
