So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
