Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
