Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
