I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
