so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
