i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
