can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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