Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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