You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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