My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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