No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
