Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
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I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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