By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
