he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
