No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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