There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
