just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
we're making bets on your personal life
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
