Just fell off a train. Bad.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
