I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
