I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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