Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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