its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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