Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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