i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
