I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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