So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
