i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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