Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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