the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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