No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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