Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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