Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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