WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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