apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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