90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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