I can text with my tongue
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
