Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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