I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
