just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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