The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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