OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
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you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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